Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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