cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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