420 ftw
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
