awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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