apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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