Please, let me fuck your mom
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize