How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
