it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
