There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
