You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He did a backflip because drugs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
