The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
