She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
