there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
