I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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