Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize