I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
this hospital has no fireball
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
