kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm too high and old for this...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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