Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize