You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
