We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize