Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
