My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
