Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
