The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
