I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
