But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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