my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
