jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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