If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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