babies were throwing up all over the place
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
