We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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