just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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