Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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