some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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