And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
