just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize