Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
