I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
