mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
