I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
