Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
