Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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