wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize