like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize