you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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