Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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