There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
