Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Oh god it's open bar.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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