Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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