Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
