I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize