i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize