I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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