It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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