you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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