Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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