She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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