After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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