Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
