She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
