one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
