I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
