You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize