my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
