I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
