Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
