What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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