i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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