her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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