why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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