You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize