i would punch a child for taco bell
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
try to milk me bitch
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