I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
