Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
