if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Randomize
