You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have fence marks all over my body
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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