Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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