i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
