The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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