Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
