I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
