My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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