I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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