Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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