He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
