I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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