Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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