If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
