so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
