i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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