Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
