WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They have beer where we have blood.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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