Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
