i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize