I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
