her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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